


Syzygy

by WordsareBetterthanNumbers



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - They Were All in Tarsus, Corruption, Drama, F/F, F/M, Gen, Genius Jim, Im sorry okay? I like to make them suffer, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Kid Fic, M/M, Multi, Secrets, Starfleet, Starfleet Academy, Suspense, Tarsus IV, Tarsus was a colony for the gifted, Team as Family, but its all good, they are a family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9330341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsareBetterthanNumbers/pseuds/WordsareBetterthanNumbers
Summary: When they are kids their life is destroyed on behalf of a secret and political interests. When they become cadets, they have to make the world crumble and fall to get their lives back together.





	1. I. The Start of Syzygy

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this first chapter, I hope you like it and will continue to read this story which I bring to you from the bottom of my heart.

James Tiberius Kirk could have been an ordinary kid. Well as normal as any son of a deceased captain could get. But his life hadn't been planned to be normal. Not when his older brother ran away at the prospect of being left with their uncle for over a year. Not when out of rage he had driven his father's car off a cliff and ended up in more trouble that he had ever been in his eleven years of life. Not when he had been given a choice, a very simple one, staying on earth and being in a juvenile prison or sent to a colony of the edges of space. 

There was no hesitance on his part; a prison was rough and terrifying while a colony far far away from his problems and closer to his mother and the remains of his father. To the place where he was sure he was going to end up, far far away from earth exploring and having days filled with adrenaline and joy. 

Frank, on the other hand, had been wary of the decision. Sure, Frank was a pain in the ass, but if Jim was sure about something it was that Frank loved him and Sam. In his own twisted and toxic way but it was love. 

He could see it as he was being driven down the road and into Riverside Shipyard where he would be shipped off into space. He could see it in the way Frank drove slowly and took the longest route towards the shipyard. Jim had the car's window down and was feeling the last rays of the sun and earthen wind that he would be feeling in at least two years when he heard Frank sigh, "I'll be waiting for you, kid." 

Jim frowned, "You will?" 

Frank bit his lip and stayed quiet for a long time, "I found your brother and contacted him. He agreed on letting me convince him to stay with me. It's not a yes, but it is as close as I could get to one." 

Jim was looking at Frank with bright hazel eyes, and Frank turned his head around to look at him for two seconds before looking back to the road and continuing his explanation, "All it took was three hours, three hours, for me to realise how horrible I had treated both of you. Three hours, losing your brother at his free will and understanding that you will be shipped into space with no return ticket until you prove yourself worthy of it. I know you will do it, but I also know that you committed a severe felony kid." 

Jim snorted, and Frank chuckled with him, "What were you thinking, Jimmy? You could have killed yourself." 

There were three seconds in which Jim couldn't even breathe; Frank had not said anything about the car just the fact that Jim' life could have ended. When he could breathe again, when he could feel the wind in his skin again, Jim realised the effort Frank was doing to change. Granted, it had taken losing two kids to bring some sense to him, but it was better late than never, "When I come back I will help you with that garden you have been trying to build." 

Frank blinked in shock and then tried to hide the fact that he had been surprised by Jim's statement with a joke, "Little rascal did his research." 

Jim agreed with a hum, "Tarsus IV is a farming colony, free of all technology including cars and motorcycles." 

"Shit kid," Frank said, he had never been careful about saying bad words around Jim, "if I were you I would have chosen Juvie instead of that hell hole." 

"I'll change your mind," Jim stated, "I'll make you fall in love with Tarsus IV." 

It was Frank's turn to snort, "You can try." 

Frank turned left and Jim saw the large skeleton of a ship being built in the Shipyard. Jim was taken aback by the massive structure against the grassy fields and low buildings of Riverside Iowa, he let out a long sigh and then one single mumbled word, "Wow." 

"Wow indeed, kid. That ship that you see, there is the USS Enterprise. The future flagship of the Federation. She will be ready in fourteen years." Frank stated, and Jim turned so fast he nearly got whiplash. 

"Fourteen years? That's a lot of time!" 

Frank laughed, "It's the Flagship kid. They want state of the art technology and the sexiest design you have ever seen. You can't do that kind of work in six months." 

"But fourteen years is a lifetime!" Jim complained, "Her technology won't be nothing in fourteen years." 

“That is not true, kid," Frank started to speak, and Jim could only stare at him. He listened intently to the man as he was talking with passion about a ship that would be in space for another fourteen years. He heard him talking about how they were improvising as they built it. How they made everything three times as big so that if they needed to change everything they would have no problem. He was talking about how the ship would divert from the usual cabin design to something much more beautiful, something with no rough edges and made of white panels and glass. How the ship had a design that you help it reach Warp 6 in less time than an average ship could reach normal warp speed. 

Jim was so into the conversation that when he turned to look at the ship again, it was looming over him. Jim took a sharp intake of breath and admired the ship with wide eyes. Frank was quiet for a while; then the engine stopped, and Jim took a look at the shuttles that were filling with kids as their parents waved goodbye and boarded another shuttle or turned around to go home. "If you enlist in Starfleet you might be part of the crew that aboard the Enterprise for the first time." Jim looked at Frank, and his heart broke at the expression of the man. "I should have been a better guardian Jimmy." 

Not step-father, Jim notices, just guardian, "I will be back, you know." 

"Still," Frank said, "I should have been a better guardian." 

"You will get a chance to be," Jim reminded him, "My brother is there, he will appreciate having you if you change your ways." There was no point in covering the truth. Frank had been horrible, and he had a few bruises that proved that, but people could change. People could grow and become aware of damage and pain. People could stop doing horrible things, and if some people could do that, then Frank could do it too. "I will come back to be with the new Frank, and you will have to be here to endure my new found pleasure." 

"And what could that be?" Frank asked.

"Troublemaking," Jim stated with a big smile, "I have found that the adrenaline rush that comes from it is quite pleasurable." 

"If you keep speaking like a damned Vulcan I doubt you will convince me that you actually like that kind of shit." 

Instead of feeling offended Jim burst into laughter and he pulled the handle of the car, ready to get out of the earth and into open space. But Frank stopped him with a hand on his arm, "Take care, Jimmy. I want to see those sparkling hazel eyes of you again." 

Jim smiled back at Frank; it was not an I love you, but he could see the hidden meaning behind it. He was just grateful Frank had said that instead of I love you because Jim would not have been able to say it back, "Take care, Frank." 

And with that Frank let him go. He didn't need any bags because the colony and the federation would provide all of that on the ship and Tarsus IV. Jim just sat down on the shuttle's first free seat and put the seatbelt on. He was next to a window, fortunately, and there was no one beside him so when the shuttle took of He just turned around and looked out of the window searching for the white Lexus on the seas of wheat that crowded the fields of Iowa. Instead, he found it on the Shipyard with its driver outside of the car and looking at the shuttle as it ascended and flew into outer space. 

For a second Jim felt guilty. He hadn’t chosen this because he wanted to prove himself worthy of being part of society, he had chosen this because for some reason, or other Jim liked to run from his problems instead of facing them. So he had to watch as earth got smaller and the Space Dock got bigger showing him how his problems faded to blue and green. 

He tried to shake the feeling of guilt and self-loathing as he turned around and studied the shuttlecraft and it’s occupants. There were many children inside of the small space. All of them human and the majority were unhappy. He saw a girl crying in the corner of a shuttlecraft, and a few more children shaking as they felt Earth. Jim found it ridiculous that people made journeys in which they didn’t want to be. 

Maybe if they were in the same trouble as Jim, he would accept some crying and screaming. But he remembered these kids, all of them had been dropped off by smiling parents telling them that everything would be great, that Tarsus was going to be a dream if they wished it to be or a nightmare if it got the best of them. 

He had seen all of the being waved goodbye except one girl who had stormed into the shuttle and sat a few chair to the left of where Jim was sitting. He had heard the warning about shuttle safety that clearly stated that they were not to take off their seatbelt until arriving at the Space Dock but Jim was starting to like the idea of being a very rebellious kid. Doing this could be the beginning of a trend. 

He silently slipped the seatbelt off and went to the seat beside the girl. She huffed in disapproval, “If you think that impressed me-“ 

“God no,” Jim intervened, “I just want to have someone to talk with. It’s a long flight and everyone else on this shuttle seems to be either crying or unwilling to talk to me.” 

She seemed to know what he was talking about because her eyes instantly snapped to a group of four on the back of the shuttle, all of them were at least seventeen years old and were glaring daggers at everyone that wasn’t in their social circle. She looked back at Jim, and he smiled, trying his best to use his very rusty and bad socialising skills. He extended his hand, “My name is James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim.” 

She looked at him wearily and then took his hand, “Uhura. Nyota Uhura.” 

“Nyota, beautiful name,” He complimented. 

She beamed at him, “Thank you.” 

“What brings you to Tarsus IV Uhura?” 

There was a change in the atmosphere but only slightly, she studied him, probably wondering if she should trust him. When she finally gave in, she only said two words, “A choice.” 

“Yours or someone else’s?” He asked, and she stopped for a second again. 

“You could say it’s both at the same time.” 

He raised his eyebrows, “So we are in the same predicament.” 

“That’s a big word for an eleven-year-old.” She stated. 

He frowned and looked at her with questioning eyes, “How did you know my age.” 

“Heard you dictating your information to the lady that was receiving us,” She said like it was nothing, “James Tiberius Kirk, Eleven Years old, Motive of travel grade one felony. And to answer your question, no we are not in the same _predicament_ I did not commit a crime.” 

“You were like fifty meters away, and I _mumbled_ my information. How did you manage to-“ He waved his arms in a motion that could be interpreted as many things. 

“Hear you?” She supplied, “That’s one of the reasons I’m going to Tarsus. To develop my talents as a Xenolinguist.” 

“What?” He asked, “Isn’t Tarsus a technology free colony?” 

She looked at him with a curious look and then she mouthed _oh._ “That's why the gave you the chance to get out of Juvie.” 

He frowned, “I’m still confused.” 

“Tarsus,” she started explaining, “is a colony for the gifted. People with extraordinary talents go there so that they can develop them without the need to be held back by their average peers.” 

Jim frowned and closed his eyes for a second. He _had_ heard about Tarsus before the trial. His teachers had mentioned the colony the moment where he got bored in school because everything seemed so easy. The moment where just after five months of playing three-dimensional chess he had beaten his professor at it. The moment where he, at the age of nine, figured out the Fibonacci sequence by just being informed of what the Fibonacci sequence was. 

“I remember now.” He said to Nyota, “My teachers mentioned Tarsus a few years ago.” 

“A few _years_ ago?” Nyota exclaimed. 

He nodded, “I didn’t take it, though, my mother was on earth for a while, and I couldn’t let the opportunity pass of being with her.” 

“Your mum…?” It’s like she wanted to ask him about a woman she had never met a woman she shouldn’t know about, but then it hit him. There was only one Kirk family. One which had been plastered over the news a few years before. 

He sighed and braced himself for having to leave as soon as she started to make to many questions, “Yes, my mother is Winona Kirk, yes, she works in space even after what happened with my father, no, I know you're not sorry about asking questions.” 

“I wasn’t going to ask that.” Nyota defended herself, “I just wanted to know if your mother works on the USS Farragut.” 

Jim frowned puzzled by the new development, “You weren’t-?” 

She shook her head, “My mother taught me better than to go opening old wounds.” 

Jim looked at her for a few seconds, “In that case, yes, she does.” 

Nyota smiled, “I was wondering if we were talking about the same Winona, I have met your mother, she is a friend of my mum. We have spoken once or twice through a video chat.” 

“You have talked with my mother?” 

She nodded, “Only briefly, First officers don’t have the time to speak with some little girl.” 

Jim frowned and looked at Nyota, “Is your mother, the Communications Officer?” He closed his eyes, “Don’t tell me her name. I will try to remember.” 

There were a few seconds of silence as Jim ran a mental scan of everyone aboard the USS Farragut when he finally found the name he opened his eyes and grinned at Nyota, “M'Umbha Uhura right?” 

She looked surprised, to say the least. “Didn’t think you’d be able to pronounce it right.” 

“People who can speak Vulcan yet can say something native to their planet are stupid.” 

She studied him from head to toes then smiled, a genuine, even if it was small, smile and Jim felt like maybe he didn’t deserve it. “I think we might become good friends.” 

He smiled a little more hesitantly, “Just good friends? Damn, I was hoping I could get a sister from another mister, but since you good-friend-zoned me, I will never get the privilege.” 

She hit him in the shoulder, and he laughed. He didn’t know much about the place where they were going, just that it was, it lacked any type of technology and that it was a place for geniuses. But he did know one thing, and that was that maybe this time he wouldn’t be running away from something but to something. Something he might not want to get out off. 

 

 

**_Nine months later_ **

 

He entered the house by swiping aside one of the sheets they had washed that day and walked into the very crowded laundry room of his house. The walls were a light yellow colour with a very uneven texture, and the floor was made of brick giving it a very weird but comforting look. Granted, the house would be nothing without its occupants. 

It was a riot inside the laundry room. That was an understatement. There was chaos wherever you looked. And endless chatter accompanied by some 21 first century music that was probably provided by either Nyota or Hikaru. He looked around and saw Nyota hanging some clothes from the lines scattered around the room and then he saw Scotty and Hikaru washing something big, probably another sheet that they had forgotten to clean that morning. Spock was on the corner teaching the most efficient ways to wash socks to seven-year-old Chekov who just laughed and continued to wash sock his way, soaking Spock in the process. 

Bones was nowhere to be seen though and judging by the way the house smelled he was cooking something in the kitchen. Jim smiled and announced his arrival by shouting, “I’m home.” 

Everyone turn to look at him and for one second they just scanned him with intelligent eyes then their faces all broke into a grin. Uhura was the first one to get close calming what she had ordered him to bring, some more clips to hang clothes, scolding him for taking so long. 

He laughed the complaint off, telling her that it was not his fault that Starfleet was three days late and that he had to scavenge through the corners of all stores he knew to get what they needed. She glared at him and continued to work hanging all of the remaining clothes. Sulu and Scotty were next claiming the soap they had asked for and telling Jim to take the remaining of things to Bones so that he could continue cooking. 

He walked out of the wet and hot laundry room and into a corridor that leads into the kitchen. The floor in the kitchen and the rest of the house excluding the rooms and the living room was covered by some old looking shiny black bricks cut into squares. 

At the end of the corridor, there was an enormous wooden cupboard and Jim placed the basket that had held all of the soaps and non-edible things there. Beside cups filled with brushes, empty paint jars and half finished aquarelle palates. Some candles for nights in which electrical light (the only technology allowed in Tarsus apart from PADDs and the internet) failed to work, hundreds of spare magazines and newspapers, old disks both vinyl and the DVD type and other house appliances like extra toilet paper and jars of Febreze. 

He placed the basket right along with the other baskets they had and turned right to the kitchen. To his left, there was one large cupboard made out of dark wood where they put their food to store, and to his right was the kitchen. It was not big, but it looked like something taken out of a movie. A counter went around the rectangular space, and above the counters were cupboards filled with plates, glasses, mugs, pans and every other kind of kitchen thing Jim could think of. On the far wall there was a big window looking out into the yard and beyond that yard was the neighbour’s house. 

Everything in the kitchen just like everything in the house apart from the walls was made of wood. On the right side of the kitchen there was a big stone furnace and on the left hand was a PADD connected to the only electricity outlet in the kitchen and connected at the same time to some speakers blasting loud 21st-century music. 

When Jim entered the kitchen, Bones immediately swept the basket from his hands and placed it on the kitchen counter beside the furnace, which was not exactly in the middle of the kitchen but far away from the glass window in the far wall, giving the perfect space for one person to cook. “I’m hoping you bought my fish last or else I will be able to blame any weird consistency or flavour to you.” 

Jim rolled his eyes and went to wash his hands on the far left corner of the kitchen, “I did Bones. If anything turns out bad, it’s your fault.” 

The Med Student huffed in annoyance and started to prepare whatever main course he had been planning to make since the night before. Jim on the other hand just continued to wash his hands absentmindedly as he stared out of the window. Watching the green grass and tall trees which were starting to turn a little bit orange. 

The thing with Tarsus was that it had no real seasons. No winter, no summer, no spring and no autumn. Leaves just turned brown every time they needed to change their foliage, or when a tree was going to die. He looked at the ground and saw the small flower garden Nyota and Sulu had planted the moment they had assigned them to this house. He knew that is he changed his angle and looked just a little uphill he would see the herbs’ garden he and Spock had planted a few weeks after they arrived here as a science experiment. 

_Science experiment my ass,_ Jim thought, he knew that Spock only liked the taste of spices in his food. He didn’t want any science experiment, he just really liked the idea of having his garden but had to much pride to admit it. 

Bones cleared his throat, “Kid you either help me or get out of here and go help someone else. You can’t just stay there washing your hands off while we all work our asses off.” 

Jim smiled and turned off the tap then dried his hands with the towel they always kept beside the sink. “Would you like me to bring some of those spices Spock likes.” 

“You have to admit it, kid,” Bones countered, “They give food a much better taste.” 

“I never said I didn't like them.” 

Bones turned around and glared at Jim, “Just get your ass out there and bring me some rosemary.” 

Jim smiled and sauntered off; he passed everyone again, and he heard Chekov scream ‘Goodbye Jimmy!’ after him. He smiled at the little boy and walked into their yard. The house was surrounded by an outdoor corridor made of brick, but after that, there was just grass and trees. Theirs and their neighbours’ property was divided by a brown wooden fence that only marked territory, but Jim knew that if he wanted to cross over he could just duck in between the horizontal posts and he would be in the yard. 

He wasn’t going to do that; he walked the little hill that covered part of the house’s yard and walked to his and Spock’s little circular spice garden. He picked a handful of Rosemary, Knowing it probably was too much, but it was better to be safe than sorry and headed back into the house. 

Bones beamed at him when he brought the leaves into his kitchen, and within seconds he had a knife, a cutting board and a job to do. He cut through the carrots with new gained speed and precision while Bones rattled about the steps they had to take, all of the vegetables they would need and all of the health benefits this type of cooking and recopy had. 

Jim listened intently and made a mental list of everything he would need and all of the steps to complete the dish. He would make this to his family someday. He would get to Iowa and Frank, and Sam would be waiting for him, Winona would drive later into the night, and they would enjoy something he learned while he was far away. He got sucked into the fantasy and was doing things in autopilot, and when he finally came back to the real world the sun had set, and he and Bones were working with the light of the furnace and with foggy windows. Jim went to turn on the light just as Bones put the baking dish into the oven and dusted his hands off then walked over to the sink and started washing them. 

The rest of the evening passed in a flurry. Everyone came out of the laundry room and started helping with the food, setting up the plates and cutlery. There was a moment of the evening in which Jim was left in charge of Chekov. 

Two hours later everything was done, and everyone was getting ready to eat. He went into the dining room which was connected by a door to the kitchen and placed Chekov in his usual spot, then sat beside him. Bones set up a heat tray on top of the furniture on the left of the room and then brought the fish in. 

Everyone filled in after that, and Jim had to patiently wait as everyone served themselves because Chekov had decided to go over and look into the night through the glass doors at the end of the dining room. He sat beside the kid glad that there was no one on the head of the table so he could lean on the last chair and look after the boy. Answering all of the questions the child had. 

He wasn’t complaining about it, though. He got to look into space and let his mind wander far far away. Maybe to earth, perhaps to somewhere where no man had gone before. 

His mind wondered to the Starship that was to arrive in two days approximately. They would bring new seeds for crops. New food, new books, new teachers and of course, new students. It would mean that they would be on their own for the next year and a half until all the crops were harvested and the Federation would send in new seeds and extra food. 

He would have to make his decision in a year and a half. He would decide if he ended this adventure of his and head back home like he promised Frank and Sam later on, or if he would stay behind. Learn with the gifted and then join Starfleet like Scotty had decided to do. 

Loud of laughter came from behind him making Jim snap out of his trance. He let the sound of laughter fill his ears and make his heart beat faster then he made a choice. That no matter what he chose to do in the next year and a half, he would be happy with either decision. Very, very happy. 

As he stood up from his sitting place, he realised that Chekov was nowhere to be seen and that he had been the thing that provoked the laughter because the seven-year-old decided that it was okay to make fun of his meditative state. Jim blushed and took his plate off the table and served himself the last piece of fish and the last vegetables, ignoring the soup and carrot cake and went to sit down on the table. 

He ate in silence for a few seconds until he could finally join in. He made a great star by making everyone laugh. He looked at Spock, and he looked as happy as a Vulcan could ever look. 

Jim remembered a time in which no one wanted Spock here. Not even Scotty, the owner of the house and the one who had suggested to have Spock as part of their little family had liked Spock. But now Jim knew that if Spock were to leave, even if only for a while, they would all miss him beyond what he could understand. 

Jim smiled at Spock, and the teenager’s mouth quirked up at the edges like he knew what Jim was thinking. Maybe he did, who knew? But as the night went on Jim forgot all of his worries and past thoughts, happy with knowing that on a planet far far away from his family home, he had his home, and his own made up family. Which however small was still family. 

The night started to die down once Chekov’s adoptive parents came to pick him up, pleading that his family forgave them for troubling them with the small child. It was Spock that with Vulcan calm and logic stated that without the little kid their evening wouldn’t have been as pleasant. 

Nyota promised Chekov that they would continue to wash socks the day after this and that he was invited to join them and Sulu blew the kid a raspberry as they walked through the parking lot of their house taking the child away from them. 

They all went to sleep after that. Leaving the dishes in the sink for the unfortunate soul who woke up early and had to wash everything before anyone woke up. Jim quickly changed into the Starfleet issued pyjamas that everyone owned and tucked himself into bed with a book before Spock arrived at their bedroom. 

It was the last bedroom in a long hall that held three rooms. Jim had the bed near the window while Spock had the one close to the wall. The foot of their beds faced the enormous wooden closet and the wall which held Spock’s bed had the door that connected to the corridor. 

The room was not messy, but it was not as perfect as the Vulcan often wanted it to be. It had little bits and pieces of their personality here and there. There was a whole wall covered with pictures taken with a Polaroid camera in the last few eight months. There were books arranged haphazardly on the bookshelf on the wall above their headrests and the were models of starships and Vulcan landmarks arranged perfectly on the desk in front of Jim’s bed that was pressed against the wall. 

Spock arrived a few minutes later in perfect state. He raised an eyebrow at Jim’s direction but didn’t comment anything and place his clothes in the basket meant for dirty laundry and tucked himself into bed. Jim had only managed to read a few pages, but he knew he didn’t want to disturb the Vulcan’s sleep, so he just places the book on their shared nightstand and turned off the light. 

“Goodnight Spock,” He whispered to the Vulcan. 

As if sensing that Jim wanted him to say something, the Vulcan turned around to face his roommate and stared at Jim for a few seconds, “Have a proper night sleep, Jim.” 

Jim smiled knowing that was sentimental coming from Spock and closed his eyes. That night, however, he did not sleep well. His dreams were crowded with famine, death and misery, and when he woke up in the middle of the night cold in sweat, he reminded himself that this was Tarsus, not earth. Everything here was controlled and planned perfectly by geniuses and kind hearted people. 

He should be more worried about how he was going to pass that week’s exam rather than worrying about something that would never happen. 

Tarsus IV might suffer from many things but famine, death and misery were not on the list of impending catastrophes for the planet, right? 


	2. I. The Start of Syzygy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this second chapter. As you might have realised, that first chapter was just the start, the status quo; this is the where the real deal starts.  
> Also please if you see any mistake tell me so that I can fix it as soon as possible. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated!

All houses on Tarsus were very similar to Jim’s house. But in his opinion, they were duller and way more boring than Jim’s house. That, despite the fact that Spock always organised everything after them it was full of objects laying in weird places and making the house seem brighter somehow.

Spock and Jim were currently racing each other for school. He did mean it when he said racing because somehow he had managed to convince Spock to race him on the bike. And yeah Spock might have been faster but he was not Jim, he always played safe, calculated the most likely route to get to his destination while Jim always followed hunches and tried to go the faster way, even if it was not the safest. 

In summary, Jim was winning, by a lot. 

He would always let Spock get close to him, close enough for Spock to follow but not close enough for him to win. Jim thought he had the advantage when suddenly something hit his rear wheel and sent him spiralling to the floor. His head hit the ground with such force he blacked out for a few seconds, and his arm received all the weight of the fall ripping his shirt and giving him wounds that would leave scars deep enough to last for years. 

When he opened his eyes again, two people were towering above him with worried frowns. Well, one had a worried frown, the other was just staring at him with an expression he could decode as worried. He sat up cradling his arm and biting his tongue to stop himself from screaming in pain. He tried to keep his mouth shut, but he couldn’t stop the angry remark from coming out of his lips. “Watch where you are going, man.” 

The guy who had to be at least twenty years old looked at him apologetically, “I’m sorry kid, I’m in a hurry.” 

“Yeah well,” Jim tried to muster up some anger, but it was just not in him. He sighed and decided to concentrate in dulling the pain, “Just watch where you are going next time. I might have hurt you a lot.” 

The Guy looked in his direction puzzled and raised an eyebrow at Jim, “I’m not the one bleeding out of my arm right now.” 

“What are you so worried about? You know that the only things that start right this early in the morning are classes. You don’t look young enough to be a student.” 

At that moment someone shouted a name across the street, the guy grimaced and looked at Jim in the eyes, “I can only tell you one thing, call your family tonight because _it_ is coming.” 

The guy was up and running again as fast as lightning and Spock turned around to look at Jim giving Jim his full attention for the first time, “That was a bizarre encounter.” 

Spock who was now crouched beside Jim was in the perfect position for him to lay his head on his shoulder and scream silently in pain. Spock took him back home and healed his wounds, then gave Jim to McCoy so that the doctor could perform his magic on Jim. He used this accident to call his family that night, feeling that maybe whatever this warning might have been he shouldn’t ignore it. It was better to be safe than sorry after all. 

When someone picked up on the other end of the line, Jim was pleasantly surprised by his mother’s face on the screen. The grin that broke on his face was bigger than whatever he had managed to muster on a day filled with painful neck and headaches and Med students stitching the wounds on his arm closed. 

Once his mother saw all of the bandages her smile dropped, “Do I have to go over there and scream at someone for a good half an hour?” 

“Hi to you too, mum,” He answered with a smile. 

“What happened to you, Jimmy?” She asked and for a second he was lost in her eyes. Winona had never been a bad mother. Never had she neglected him or made him feel unwanted or unimportant, but it was on rare occasions when he got to see her like this. 

Without her regulation hairdo and makeup, with an oversized t-shirt and surrounded by things that definitely did not belong in a Constitution class starship. There was a bowl of what must have been fruits or some other healthy treat his mother enjoyed and the fireplace was right behind her back. He looked at the date of the call and realised that it must have been December back on earth. His mother always took an extended shore leave in December. 

“I fell off my bike,” he answered after a few seconds. 

From the other side of the house, someone complained loudly and came storming into the family room. Bones, who looked like he had been cooking for a while now, probably preparing some weird porridge or vitamin rich food practically ran into the wooden flared room flailing a plastic, wooden spoon around, “Don’t let him feed you lies Winona, some idiot pushed him off.” 

Jim immediately went into defuse mode and glared at Bones, who was wearing a ‘leave the cook alone’ apron and had a speck of whatever he had been preparing for Jim on his cheekbone. Seeing him like that made it feel like it was going to be impossible to take him seriously in this argument, “He didn’t push me off Bones! He was running somewhere and didn’t notice me speeding down a road on a bicycle. It was an accident.” 

Bones huffed, “An accident which nearly tore one of your muscles apart.” 

Winona, who had been watching the argument with an amused gaze and oatmeal in her mouth suddenly cleared her throat to get their attention, “Boys arguing will not make that accident vanish into thin air. Now tell me what happened.” 

There were several versions of the story. In one Jim feel on accident, in another, the guy pushed him off in purpose and just like that there were hundreds of other variations of the story, each one more ridiculous and far-fetched than the last. 

It had become a game of theirs, to exaggerate and twist storied to make them as fantastic as possible, and while Bones and Jim bickered Winona looked. Jim caught her staring a time or two, and while he didn't complain about being stared at by his mother he also wanted to know what she was thinking. What was making the gears in her brain turn and worry? 

It was only after Bones left claiming that he had to keep cooking to ‘maintain this house alive’, complaining about being the only one able cook, that his mother finally turned to Jim with the troubled expression she had been making for the past thirty minutes. Jim frowned back and went over to the entrance of the Living room and closed the wooden door that separated him from the rest of the house. He locked it and went back to talk with his mother. 

“Are you okay, mum?” He asked with worry once she didn’t move when he sat down and placed the PADD in front of him again. 

She looked at him in the eyes and sighed, “I’m going to be far away, Jimmy.” 

“What?” 

“They gave us the three-year assignment,” She explained, “we won't be running errands anymore, we will be exploring deep space.” 

He swallowed trying to keep his disappointment down, “That’s… that’s great mum. You will finally be doing what you had always wanted to do.” 

She grimaced, “I know you don’t think this is great.” 

He bowed his head and scratched the back of his neck, “I do, believe that it’s perfect for you, I just know this is going to mean less and fewer calls.” 

She made a face of disgust, “Sam and Frank will still call you every time they can.” 

“And that is great but-“ He couldn’t keep going. He looked at his mother with pleading eyes, pleading for her to understand what his distress was. 

“But you want calls from me.” His mother looked down and scratched her neck; that habit was something Jim probably had from her. 

“Exactly.” 

She looked at him fro a few seconds, “What if I tried to have a schedule?” 

“We could try,” Jim mumbled, “but we both know work will get in the way.” 

“I know it feels kind of hopeless, but we need to find a way to communicate more. I can’t stand not talking to you as much as you can.” 

He couldn't bring himself to be angry, but at that moment he made a mental note of finding this strange man who had warned them about what was coming, “Look, mum, I know you love space. You can’t stop yourself from going to space because of your kid. You wouldn’t be able to live with it, and I wouldn’t be able to see you longing to be out there and knowing that I’m the reason you are not one-hundred percent happy.” 

“I would be one-hundred percent happy living with the three of you back here in Iowa.” She told him, but he knew that was not the truth. 

“Mum, a first officer would never be happy with being stuck in the middle of Iowa. You know it; I know it, Frank knows it, and so does Sam. We both also know that when I'm out of here, if I ever do decide to leave Tarsus before I'm the age I need to be to join the Academy, I will join Starfleet and then I will be serving on a ship far away from Earth.” She looked at him in the eyes, and for a few seconds, they were both quiet. When someone finally spoke it was Jim, “Sam and Frank might understand that you _have_ to be there out, but he will never figure out why. I understand your need to be out there, and I also understand that if you don’t do it, you will never be happy.” 

There was a smile coming from his mother. A rare little thing that did no justice to Winona’s full and beautiful smile but it was something Jim had never seen before. It held thousand of meanings in one little gesture, and it was all directed at him, “You might get to be in the Enterprise once you graduate.” 

“Only the best of the best will get to be on the Flagship mum.” He reminded her. 

“And since you were in Tarsus they will probably take the into account and put you up there,” She countered. “Talking about Tarsus, how is it going over there?” 

Jim smiled and started telling everything he hadn’t told his mother about the planet he was in. He began by telling her how the crops that had been given to him to plant had started to grow perfectly. How he had learned thousands of new recipes from Bones and would probably teach her how to do it once they were both back home. He told her about Spock, about Nyota, about Hikaru and Chekov, then told her about Scotty who was going to leave them for the academy once the next cargo ship came, leaving Spock in charge of the household. He told her about Kevin, about how he had been growing his tea and flowers, and how he had repeatedly gotten into trouble over silly things since she last called him. 

When they were ready to say goodbye the hour mark in their video call told them they had been speaking for five hours. Jim couldn’t care less. He knew his food was probably cold by now and that his housemates were probably aching to go into the living room, put music on and help each other out in doing their homework. 

Jim was ready to say goodbye when a notification caught his eye on the side of the screen. Someone had sent him a message from the school. He frown and his mother instantly worried, “Is something wrong, Jimmy?” 

He swiped the message to the side and sighed, “I just got a message telling me that I needed to do more homework than I initially planned to do.” 

Winona laughed and shook her head, “I think I’m going to hang up and let you do that dreaded homework.” 

Jim made a face of distaste but understood that he couldn’t talk with his mother forever, “Bye mum.” 

“Make me proud Jimmy. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

She smiled, and the connection cut immediately. 

Jim stood up and left his PADD on the sofa. Then it pinged. He turned around hoping it would be his mother again, but against the background he had for his PADD was a notification from his teacher, Anton Karidian, a young man with a very weird looking moustache and a brain made to think quickly. 

Jim took a step back towards the PADD and looked at it with questioning eyes. 

 

_Special Homework Assignment for Those Who Dare_

 

_1 File Attached_

 

**_Accept_ ** __ **_Reject_ **

 

Jim took another step. Mr Karidian almost never left the option to accept or reject an assignment. He was a man who valued hard work, which included homework and various other ambitious projects that many people had failed given the circumstances and the level of difficulty. 

 

 

But when he did it meant the assignments were crazy. Leaving everyone to think for days on end and giving everyone the opportunity to surrender into the no-win scenario than Professor Karidian almost always proposed. 

Jim didn’t believe in no-win scenarios, and Jim had never failed a project, he had also never back out from a dare, and this assignment screamed dare. He sat down beside the PADD and placed it on his lap. 

He really wanted to click accept, but there was something inside him that told him not to. He passed the feeling as fear of this assignment being to much work, and after only a few seconds of hesitation, Jim clicked accept. 

The PADD asked for Jim’s private password, and he typed it in quickly to reveal one very long document. Typically Jim ignored titles, but he was taken aback by the title of the text. 

 

**_Food Rationing_ **

 

Jim could only think about that dream he had had a few months before. The first night was Spock had wished him goodnight. Images of famine, death and misery had clouded his vision for a second before he shook his head. It had just been a stupid dream, and Professor Karidian had always had a knack of making his assignments very dramatic and real. Jim had once had an assignment from the Professor talking about the corn fields setting themselves on fire and burning everyone around it alive. He had to think like a leader and see the best way to save people when he could only take out one hundred at a time. He had managed to save five thousand people before the colony burned down, and at that moment Jim was seen as a hero because everyone else had only managed to save one thousand of the eight thousand colonists. 

This assignment wasn’t going to be much different. 

 

_An ion storm impedes Tarsus IV’s contact with Starfleet and a mysterious fungus and has ended most of its crops and most of the food supply. By the time the foods starts finishing Starfleet still has six months to arrive at Tarsus as scheduled. The food supply has a maximum calorie count of 1,020,000,000 calories in total by that time, and the minimum amount of food a human can live off is 1200 calories a day._

 

_How many people do you have to kill for Tarsus IV to survive?_

 

_As you might have noticed reader, the assignment is simple, but only those who dared to do it will have the extra credit this kind of assignments give._

 

_Thank you for your bravery,_

_Anton Karidian._

 

Jim frowned and reread the assignment not quite believing his eyes. The assignment was one of the easiest things Professor Karidian had given since Syllabus week almost a year and a half before. He grinned and stood up, opening the door to the studio and walking over to the dining table where everyone was dining. 

It was true that the Professor had told them not to share the content of his surprise assignments, but this one was worth sharing. One of these assignments could give them a full point on their final average for their leadership course. 

He stopped mid-way, the same feeling of dread coursing through his veins. There were two doors on each side of the receiving hall of the house, all of them had massive windows on either side of the doors letting the light from the moon, stars and street lamps filter into the house. There was a round table with a huge potted plant in the middle, some beautiful orchid planted by Hikaru a few months before, and there were personal touches from everyone in this hall. 

Good luck amulets hung on the door by Nyota, Jim’s favourite running shoes, Scotty’s tools and half finished projects on a table to the side of the hall. Bones’ personal first aid kit hung on the wall, and pictures of Vulcan hung in the wall that separated the door that leads to the kitchen and the other all that lead into the family room and kitchen for Spock’s sake. He looked around and felt a feeling of foreboding. Like if he told them about this assignment all of this would fade to grey. 

This was only for a few seconds, because when Jim came back to reality, he wanted to punch himself for being a drama queen. It was not like a simple school project was going to make then leave this house or this life. It was not like the Professor would find out that they all agreed to do the project because Jim told them too. And it was not like anything was going to happen to them if he did. 

He put on a smile and kept going. He climbed a step that leads into the hall that separated into two and realised that even if they could see Jim coming from the inside of the house nobody said anything. Not until Bones looked up and smiled, “We thought you would never come out of that room.” 

“You could have just knocked you know?” Jim countered as he set the PADD in his usual spot and served himself a plate of salad and something that must have been quiche. 

He sat down and noticed that for the first time in the month Chekov was nowhere to be seen. He smiled and turned on his PADD, Scotty scowled at him, “What have we said about PADDs on the table lad?” 

“It’s just a moment mum,” He answered smiling at Scotty, and everyone laughed. “I hope you all haven’t declined Karidian’s assignment.” 

“You know that the only ones on this table that can complete a surprise assignment from the Leadership Professor are us, Jim.” Spock chimed in, and no one gave him a dirty look. They all knew this was the truth, whether they liked it or not. 

“Yes I know,” Jim said smiling, “but this one is so easy we could all do it together with our eyes closed.” 

Everyone raised their eyebrows and Bones was the first one to speak, “An easy Karidian assignment? Count me in.” 

Jim smiled, and everyone smiled back at him, sealing their fate as the only students who would complete the food rationing assignment. 

 

 

**The next morning**

 

“Jim Kirk,” He heard his name vibrate through the noisy classroom, “why don’t you walk with me?” 

Jim’s blood froze and his hand which had been in Spock’s tight clenched, causing an uncomfortable Spock. Everyone was looking at him, and around him, his group of friends froze in an awkward position. They had been goofing around while Karidian graded their surprise assignments which only six out of forty-two students had completed. 

Jim was scared shitless, given the fact that Karidian was not only scary and very imposing but because he could end his career in Starfleet before it had even started. Jim cleared his throat and stood up. Karidian immediately stood up too and turned to the rest of the class, “While I talk to Jim I would like you all to finish the assignment I left you. Organise yourself into groups of six and start right away.” 

He knew that his five friends would team up together and wait for him, claiming that he was the sixth member of their team, but he also knew that he might not come back before the class was finished. Karidian was the first out of the door, and Jim followed immediately. 

They walked in silence for a few minutes, a few minutes in which All Jim thought about was ways in which he would ask for Karidian’s forgiveness, but when Karidian finally spoke everything he said shocked Jim. 

“You remind me a lot of your father,” He told Jim in a soft voice. 

Jim turned around os fast he nearly got whiplash, “You knew my dad?”

But Karidian didn’t acknowledge his question, “I remember he would never let anyone fail, that included me. He would always find ways in which not only would we gain more good grades but we would be on the directors' list. Quite an achievement back then.” 

Jim looked up ahead into the path they were following. It was one of those long brick paved roads that guided all the way around the campus of the school but never actually took you anywhere, “So you are mad about me telling my peers it was a very easy assignment.” 

“I’m not mad, Jim.” He stated and looked at Jim; Jim turned around to look back at Karidian, “Do you know why Leadership is the only class we teach to all students regardless of their age, track or reason to be here?” 

“Because leadership is essential? Jim guessed. 

Karidian shook his head, “Because leaders don’t necessarily have to be the oldest people in the group, but the ones that think about their peers as a team and not individuals. Because sometimes someone that you thought that would end up in Science Track ends up in Command Track because they managed to show everyone that _they_ were the leaders.” Karidian stopped looking at Jim, and Jim looked at the path ahead of him. “Those people are the ones that end up being Captains of Constitution Class Starships. Those kids are the Captains of Flagships and Discovery missions and thousands of other things a lesser Captain wouldn’t be able to do.” 

“What does that have to do with me?” Jim asked confused. 

Karidian looked at him again with sharp eyes, “You are one of those kids Jim.” 

Jim took a sharp intake of breath, “And how did you get to that conclusion?” 

Karidian stopped and so did Jim, “I have been teaching that class for the past year, two months and three days. I will teach the class until the next Starfleet cargo arrives in nine months, and not once in a year and two moths had a student thought that if they gave away the answer to his friends his life was going to be easier.” 

“How does that make me that kind of kid?” Jim asked in confusion. 

“Well that’s easy,” The man said and smiled, “That means that you thought of your friends as your team instead of just your classmates and teamwork in my class is rewarded no matter what.” 

“But I broke your rules,” Jim said, “At the beginning of the course you told us that we couldn’t tell anyone what the assignment was about, or ask for help.” 

“But great captains always find a way to bend and break the rules in their favour Jim.” Karidian said, “How do you think Archer got to be in the Farragut and be know as the best captain in the last fifty years?” 

Jim smiled, “My mum did tell me that Archer had a liking for bending the rules in his favour.” 

“Well your mother was right,” Karidian replied smiling and put his hand in his pocket, extracting a paper envelope that written on the front had a phrase that Jim would never forget: 

 

_For the crew of the century_

 

Jim smiled and thanked Karidian, holding the envelope gingerly in his hands as if it was the most valuable treasure that Jim could have found. 

“If you and your crew are up to the challenge I would like you to do the project inside of the envelope. You have one week to complete the assignment and present it in class. I need it to be very clear and very precise.” 

Jim turned the envelope around and started opening it when Karidian placed a hand on top of his, “Don’t open it until you get home, Jim. I want it to be a surprise for you and your friends.”

Jim’s hand stopped moving, “Can I at least know what it is about?” 

“Do you know anything about eugenics?” 

Jim frowned and took a step backwards, “Isn’t that what dictators in the Twentieth century used?” 

Karidian nodded, “More specifically Hitler with the Nazis. He planned on making the population better and only let the strongest genes reproduce. The equation you gave me is correct, but you would still have to get rid of 3320 people. And if we are going to have a population live off only of 1200 calories we need a list of the strongest people. Those with no genetic faults and those who are easy to take care off.” 

Jim looked at Karidian with questioning eyes, “You want a list?” 

“I want a program capable of knowing which people will live and which will die.” 

Jim frowned, “I don’t understand how this has anything to do with Leadership class.” 

“It will be a hard choice Jim. One in which your friends might die, _you_ might die, but it will be for the greater good.” Karidian explained, “Besides Leadership is not the only class that will be involved in this little project of ours.” 

“What other classes will be involved?” Jim asked, gaining all the curiosity he had lost in an instant. 

“Technology, or course, also interplanetary ethics and mathematics. And of course, for that Doctor friend of yours, he will get some boost up in his Genetics class. It’s a big project Jim. Something that will affect your final average considerably if you manage to complete it.” 

“But just a week?” Jim asked, “It’s a giant project Professor, how are we going to be able to finish it in a week?” 

“I don’t know,” Karidian stated, “but if you want that boost you will have to find a way.” 

Jim looked down at the envelope, and a warm gust of wind ruffled his hair making it enter his eyes and cloud his vision. At that moment Karidian put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him, “Why don’t we go back to class. That assignment that I gave your peers is very important.” 

Jim looked up at Karidian, and the wind ruffled his hair again. Karidian just smiled at Jim and started walking, firing him to follow him by not letting go of his shoulder. 

_Anton Karidian is a good man,_ Jim tried to convince himself, but the more he tried, the more he could see through the cracks of some sort of invisible armour the man had put up for himself. Or maybe he was just going crazy, and this was just some assignment that a twisted enough professor had planned. 

He couldn’t decide what version of the story to trust and that scared him more than whatever ugly truth was hidden behind this very weird man. 

That night Jim didn’t go to sleep in his bed right away, he climbed on Spock’s bed instead and waited for his roommate to enter the room. The envelope, which had been previously hidden in the pocket of his Starfleet issued sweatpants was now laying on his hands, weighing more than lead. Spock walked into the room and dumped his clothes on the laundry basket and turned to look at Jim’s bed. 

When he found it empty, he looked to his own bed and found Jim curled up in the corner of the room that met his bed looking at an envelope which was in his hands. Spock raised an eyebrow, and Jim finally looked up. 

There were a few seconds of silence, “I think I might be going crazy, Spock.” 

Spock took a tentative step forward, “That is highly unlikely.” 

Jim seemed to shrink more like he was trying to disappear, “Did you know that people who higher IQs have a bigger chance of driving themselves insane?” 

Spock rounded the bed and sat down on the edge of it, far away from Jim but close enough for him to be able to touch Jim if required, “I refuse to believe you have become insane until you give me your reasoning behind this conclusion.” 

Jim definitely felt trapped. Inside his mind, inside this ver small corner, inside this house which he had dared to call home, in a planet which he had planned to make it his planet. He took a shaky breath and handed Spock the unopened envelope. 

“Yesterday someone crashed into my bike as I was racing one of my best friends to school and told me to brace myself for _it.”_

Frustration flickered behind Spock’s eyes, “I’m aware given the fact that I was that friend.” 

Jim kept talking as if nothing had interrupted him, “When I asked what was his hurry he told me just to call my family. Promising that whatever _it_ is it's going to shake our world to the core.

Approximately forty seconds after the call with my mother ended I received a message from my professor, giving me an assignment that while it was only numbers and simple equations at the time now, I feel like I calculate something much bigger than myself. I dragged all my friends into this problem. He told me that he had known from the start that we had solved the problem together and that I had been the one that leads this group assignment, and then he told me that we had a group assignment for something he called the crew of the century. Said to me that sometimes great leaders have to make tough decisions. 

This assignment he initially gave us stated that there was an ion storm coming that would cut off all communications with Starfleet, and today at 0930 hours a storm rolled in and every message we had been trying to send for the last two days was unable to get to Starfleet.

They got disrupted by the storm and died or will reach Starfleet until the ion storm passes. No video calls or any other types of messages can get through the storm and this morning at 0956 hours my Leadership teacher handed me an assignment which’s propose is to make a list of people based on eugenics that would be most likely to survive living on 1200 calories a day. Meaning the strongest genes, the easiest to take care off. 

I haven’t opened the envelope yet but in my mind, every possible scenario that has lead to this strange set of coincidences has lead to one answer, and only one, there is no coincidence. So tell me, Spock, am I going as crazy as I think I am going?” 

Spock opened the letter and read through it quickly. Jim stared at him the whole time, trying to figure if he had become suddenly very adverse to being in the same room as Jim. When Spock finally finished reading the letter, he looked at Jim with intelligent eyes. 

“Why were you able to call your mother that night?” He asked, and Jim honestly didn’t have an answer. 

“Why was I able to call my mother that night but the main council wasn’t able to call up an emergency meeting with Starfleet?” Jim asked, “That’s what you are trying to say, right?” 

Spock paused for a second and then nodded, “Some details just don’t match up.” 

Jim finally let himself come closer to Spock, “If the cadets knew that _it_ was coming-“

“Assuming they referred to the ion storm as _it_ ,” Spock interrupted. 

Jim nodded, “Then why didn’t they contact Starfleet.” 

Spock’s facial muscles moved a tiny fraction, “Why didn’t Starfleet warn us about the ion storm? They need to keep track of all Federation colonies and the space anomalies around it.” 

There was a long silence in which they both tried to decipher thousands of little details that in Jim’s perspective made everything just look fishy. Not just from Professor Karidian’s part but from Starfleet’s part too. 

“I cannot draw a logical explanation for all of this, nor can I state that whatever we are uncovering here is information that would imply that Starfleet is covering up something, but I can say that the facts are that you are not going crazy.” 

Jim breathed out, “What are we going to do Spock?” 

Spock looked at him with sharp eyes, “First we find out how Karidian knew you had told us about the assignment.” 

And that’s a fact Jim had neglected. How had the professor known about them doing everything together? Sure, you didn’t need a genius to put two and two together and realise that it was suspicious that the six of them had completed the assignment. But it was weird that Karidian knew it was _Jim_ who pushed everyone into doing the assignment with him. 

He looked at Spock and felt panic claw at his throat because after listening to how grave the situation seemed to be and thinking about all of the possible explanations that could have explained the Professor's information Jim realised what Spock was implying. They were being watched by someone. 


	3. III. The Start of Syzygy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's to the fools that dream  
> As crazy as they may seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this first chapter, I hope you like it and will continue to read this story which I bring to you from the bottom of my heart.

The first things to go wasn’t even the food; it was the peace that had taken over the house in the last year or so. After discussing the matters with everyone in the house, after telling everyone that they might be helping mass murderers, they all came to an agreement to turn the assignment down. The thing was that the next day when they were handed their assignments for the whole class, they realised that it was the same assignment they had turned down. 

At last, they weren’t the ones that finished the so-called ‘Race Project’ first, but they had to live with the weight of making everyone else murderers. 

For two weeks Jim started to believe that maybe they had been dramatic and paranoid. The house was nearly back to its usual cheerful state when the first thing ran out. 

Chekov had been the one that had been sent into the town to buy rice for that night’s dinner, the eight-year-old went out of the house with a light spring in his steps and returned with his hands empty. 

It was Jim who had to hug the boy to his chest when the whole house erupted in fights and a series of very aggressive ‘I told you so’ coming from Bones. 

Jim had never felt bad about being the second youngest in his small family, but at that moment he felt out of place. Granted, Uhura and Sulu were barely a year older than him. But it was that moment when he realised that a year could be a life time, a year before at that very exact moment Jim had been willing to bet that Tarsus IV was heaven on a little planet, and just know he felt like it might be hell. 

He buried his nose in Chekov’s curly hair and took a deep breath; the small boy smelled of chamomile and cinnamon, and Jim felt calm wash over his senses. He hugged the boy tighter and moved his head to whisper into his ear, “Do you want to see a movie? Get away from all of these noisy adults?” 

Chekov looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, “I don’t like screaming.” 

Jim smiled down, “I know you don’t, that’s why I am offering it to you.”

Chekov nodded, and with all the screaming and arguing they were able to slip away without being noticed by anyone. They walked into Jim’s room, and he grabbed his PADD from the table easily. Chekov had already found his bed and was curled up on the pillows. Jim went to sit down beside him and opened the PADD before handing it to him. “Choose away buddy; I have every movie you want.” 

Chekov’s eyes light up, and he smiled at Jim, he noticed how Chekov was missing one tooth, “Ewen Space Rangers?” 

Jim smiled back at Chekov, “Even Space Rangers.” 

The next few minutes consisted of Jim trying to listen to the argument over the loud and distracting soundtrack of the movie and his closed bedroom door. The argument started to become people screaming and talking over each other, and then one of the voices quieted down completely. 

Jim frowned and tried to pick out what voice had quieted down when the door was slammed open, and Nyota strolled in, “We need you over there, you know?” 

Jim sat up straighter, and he heard Chekov pause the movie, “I was just taking care of Pavel.” 

“Well since Pavel is a grown boy now I’m sure he can take care of himself,” Nyota stated, “but we can’t make this decision without you.” 

“I thought we were just mindlessly arguing,” Jim bit back and Nyota glared at him. 

“Well now we are not,” she countered back, “and we need you there.” 

He looked at Chekov and sighed, “Is it okay if I leave you here for a minute?” 

“Can I keep watching the mowie?” He asked, and Jim smiled. 

“Of course you can,” Jim said smiling, “I’ll be back in a few minutes, and you can tell me what happened.” 

Chekov nodded excitedly and looked back at the PADD then pressed play. The movie made the noise that was coming from the dining room stop, and Jim stood up, ready to face the problem at full force. Nyota closed the door behind them and grabbed his arm, “Please, don’t cause more arguing.” 

Jim turned around putting a hand on top of hers, “Is it that bad?” 

Nyota pursed her lips and nodded, “Spock is angry. I didn’t know Vulcans could get mad.” 

“Is he mad at us?” He asked, trying to prepare himself for whatever was happening. 

Nyota shook her head, “He is angry at himself for letting this happen.” 

They started walking towards the dining room breaking their little contact, and Jim braced himself for a Screaming Medicine Student, an Angry Vulcan and two other very emotional humans.

As soon as they saw him, Bones stood up from the chair he had been sitting on and excused himself to get some water. Jim sat at the now quiet table and sighed, “Why is he mad at me?” 

“He is angry at everyone lad,” Scotty answered, “But now that you are here we better get started.” 

“Started on what exactly?” 

“Spock gave us the logic, Bones gave us the facts, now we need you to put them all together and tell us what to do,” Hikaru said, and Jim noticed that Spock was not in the dining room. 

“Where is Spock?” 

“Outside,” Nyota said, “He needed to calm his mind and think about everything.” 

“That bad?” 

Scotty nodded, “That’s why we need you. I might be older than all of you, but I’m no leader. Neither is Nyota or Hikaru, and we know it, we need one of the three of you, and you were the only one calm enough to talk.”

Jim rubbed his temples and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to be a leader; he just wanted this to be over, he wanted the coincidences to be just that, coincidences, and he wanted to be the twelve-year-old he was supposed to be. But Scotty was right, Spock, Bones and Jim had always been the leaders. The discoverers. The ones who were expected to get them out of trouble if everything went to shit, “All right then, tell me what Spock and Bones said. I’ll try to come up with something.” 

-*-

The night was cold when Leonard stepped out, which was extremely worrying. Tarsus IV was never cold but this last few weeks had been the exception. Sometimes he felt like his damn fingers would freeze to the pencils if he was not careful enough, which given the fact that there were no gloves in the whole damn planet might as well be the case. 

He was eighteen damn it; he shouldn’t be worrying about his fingers freezing off or his world running out of food. 

“Age has nothing to do with the way your life turns out, Leonard.” He expected the Vulcan to be sulking around somewhere; he just wasn't expecting the Vulcan to read his thoughts. 

“I thought Vulcans were touch telepaths,” He countered, and Spock raised his eyebrow. 

“I’m assuming you didn’t realise that you were thinking out loud,” Damn fifteen year old and his damn Vulcan hearing. Of course, he would pick off his mindless rambling from a kilometre away. 

Leonard blinked a few times trying to get his eyes to adjust to the darkness when they finally did he noticed Spock was laying on the grass looking up at the stars, not even looking at Leonard when he spoke, “Do you mind if I joined you?” 

“That would be pleasurable,” Spock answered back, and Leonard didn’t wait another second before plopping down beside Spock. The warmth that the Vulcan irradiated, however small, made Leonard a little bit more comfortable than before. 

“I thought Vulcans thought stargazing is illogical,” Leonard stated. 

“Perhaps full-blooded Vulcans do. Half-Vulcans think it’s quite logical when you want to study the stars of a planet you have never been too.” 

“Your excuses are getting lame,” Leonard shot back, “We have been living on this planet for a year and a half.” 

“A year, four months, seventeen days, fourteen hours, fifteen minutes and thirty-six seconds,” Spock replied, “Yet not once had I studied the stars from Tarsus IV.” 

“Now _that_ is illogical.” 

If it had been any human, they would have laughed at Leonards lame attempt of a joke. But Spock was not a human, and sometimes he just loved to remind Leonard of that. Leonard McCoy, who knew this Vulcan-like he had been a life long friend of his. Leonard McCoy who in the wake of coming to live in a new planet had let himself love people who couldn’t even love him back. Leonard McCoy who now could even dare to call Spock his brother, even if they had only known each other for a year and a half, was sometimes surprised that the man was not fully human. 

He tilted his head to the side and saw Spock looking at the stars, “Spock, do you know how I ended in Tarsus IV?” 

“No, I do not,” Spock answered immediately, “I believe you never told anyone.” 

Leonard looked up, and for just one moment he felt like it wasn’t him and Spock watching the stars but the stars watching him and Spock and whatever this conversation was, “My parents could not afford me.” 

There was a short silence, “I believe I do not understand what you are trying to say.” 

“My parents could not pay for what I was becoming.” He corrected himself, “I had skipped three years at my high school, was learning traditional medicine from the library books but those don't come free either. Once I finished the tax paid section I wanted to move on, to keep learning, but my parents are farmers and that year’s harvest wasn’t enough to properly feed three people, it sure as hell wasn’t enough to pay for more expensive books.

Then one thing leads to another, and my mother fell ill. Medical bills are expensive, and the Federation prohibits people under 21 from working any kind of job that takes more than three hours of your day. So in my house, I was just another mouth to feed. That, of course, was until the opportunity to go to a Federation colony appeared. I could be off my parent’s bills as long as I was smart enough to qualify as a genius, and let me tell you something I was no genius back then, I was just desperate enough for things to work out my way and I got stuck in this colony with you.” 

There was a long silence, and Leonard started to wonder if Spock hadn’t appreciated the very emotional backstory. He wondered if Spock wanted to ask how his mother was doing now; if his parents’ farm had produced enough this year for them to live happily and if he had been planning to go back to Earth someday. 

All of them were questions Leonard didn’t know the answer too. He hadn’t spoken with his parents in four weeks, so he had no idea of knowing if his mother’s condition had gotten any worse. He didn’t know if the harvest had been good this year, but he did know that the year before that the harvest had been pretty good. Better than the crop that had chased Leonard away in the first place, that was sure. 

And he hadn’t actually decided if he had wanted to stay. 

He had always thought that if his friends left he would leave with them. After all, Tarsus was just one very nerdy and boring planet without his small family. Without his constant banter with Jim, His endless study sessions with Spock, his grocery shopping trips with Nyota or his afternoons working on the garden with Sulu he would feel incomplete. He knew that if Scotty’s mechanics classes and the afternoons he spent with Chekov watching kids’ cartoons were to go missing he would feel like his whole world brought down. And maybe that was going to start happening very soon. 

He had been so immersed in his thoughts that he almost forgot that Spock was trying to formulate a response. And he definitely felt touched when Spock’s answer was his backstory. 

“My father was insisting that if I were to be with humans emotions would win and I would lose all of my Vulcan ways,” Spock started, “And it was not only my father, Through my years in Vulcan I have constantly been challenged by other individuals about my heritage. I was becoming irritated about the fact that everyone was convinced I would be unable to control my feelings if I ever were to live outside of Vulcan, so when my father started speaking about a colony for the gifted children around the galaxy, I was drawn to the idea. 

I would like to say that I proved everyone back in Vulcan that I am able to control my emotions around other much more emotional beings but today and every single day before that show that I am unable to do so.” 

“What happened today, Spock?” Leonard asked while looking at a particularly bright star in the night sky, “How did our lives go from perfect to shit in so little time?” 

“It usually only takes a moment to change the course of history,” Spock answered. 

Leonard looked at the boy beside him and sighed, “Is that your attempt at poetry or your way of saying ‘I don’t know’?” 

The light of the three moons of Tarsus made Spock’s features sharper, making them clearer to read somehow and it that moment Leonard could only read sadness and pain in Spock’s features, “It possibly is my way of saying both at the same time.” 

“Why are you sad Spock?” Leonard asked, “And don’t answer me with the line ‘Vulcans don’t experience sadness’ because we both know it’s not true.” 

Spock finally turned to look at Leonard in the eyes, and he saw the fire that usually lived in Spock’s eyes die, leaving only embers and ashes. “I’m sad because I know exactly what is going to happen yet I find myself unable to formulate a way in which everyone comes out alive.” 

“Your sad because you are hopeless and you can’t force yourself to stop being hopeless.” Leonard traduced, and Spock looked back at the stars, not confirming it but not denying it either, and that was more confirmation than Leonard needed. “Believe it or not Spock it’s okay to feel hopeless when a situation is hopeless.” 

A cold wind ruffled Leonard’s hair, and the smell of dried leaves and dust invaded his nostrils. Something or other howled in the distance, and the faint noise of a party accompanied it. Leonard closed his eyes and let the feeling roll over him, a sense of absolute calm accompanied by the void in his stomach warning him about the beginning of the end. 

-*-

The hospital was completely white, and for the first time in his life, Jim didn’t feel calm or comfort in that. He couldn’t even start to concentrate or feel like his world was not changing at one thousand miles per hour. During his time in Tarsus, he had gone to the hospital three times, and none of them had been because someone wanted to check his ‘vital signs and blood coagulation’. 

He knew it was pure bullshit from the moment he got dragged into the hospital by his xenolinguistics professor Philip. A very handsome man with curly hair and brown eyes that seemed to know about this surprise Revision as much as Jim did. He was currently sitting alone in the middle of the waiting room, waiting for Bones to make him come in and preform his exam. Professor Philip had left with his wife, the astrophysics professor, and four children to have his blood checked. 

The hospital was so quiet that if Jim tried hard enough, he could hear his heartbeat. The worse part about all of this was that he knew exactly what this was for and he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t even change it a little bit so that his small family wouldn’t have to suffer. He just had to sit with his mouth shut and his hands on his laps because he had been told to do so. 

And Oh how much he hated that. 

He hated how scared he was. He hated that he had followed the system for so long that he could no longer bring himself to stand up and do something. There were three sets of footsteps coming his way when Jim decided that he wasn’t going to sit in the waiting room, he had tried to do something, but he hadn’t gotten very far before his mission turned into anxious pacing. For one second Jim thought it would be Karidian walking his way, but as they rounded the corner, he was brought some relief. Spock was accompanied by two other people, both of them human, who looked as grim as he was. 

Jim jumped towards Spock, and the Vulcan turned around to look at Jim with a grave look on his face. Jim felt his stomach drop, and it must have shown on his face because Spock immediately turned around to look at the two humans who were walking with him, “I’ll stay here, for now, your company has been pleasing.” 

Only when the footsteps from the two other humans were far away, Jim turned to look at Spock, only to find that Spock had already been looking at him, “What happened inside?” 

“According to the doctors it’s just a medical examination Jim,” Spock said him, “Some blood tests and routine checks.” 

“Do you think-?” The question rang through the hallways, and he knew that he really didn’t need to clarify or end the question for Spock to answer it. The Vulcan knew what Jim was asking about. 

“Certainly.” 

Jim frowned, “Then why aren’t they taking my blood? I surely am not the last one on the list.” 

Spock shoved his hand into his pocket and looked at Jim with dark brown eyes. Jim looked down and saw that Spock was holding an envelope roughly the same size and shape as the one handed to him by Karidian, only that it had a yellowish tinge and the official Starfleet seal preventing it from being opened. 

Jim took a step back, not wanting to touch the envelope. Spock turned over the envelope and on the top of it written in neat and cursive handwriting was Jim’s name. 

“It’s for you,” Spock stated even if it was evident, “they ordered me not to open it or read it with you.” 

Jim shook his head, “I won’t read it.” 

“Jim,” Spock stated, “It’s important that you read it because it might contain information that might save yo-“ 

“I said I don’t want to read it.”

“It is not a death sentence.” 

“It’s not a congratulations card either.” 

“Jim,” Spock urged him. 

Jim grabbed the card in his hands and ripped the envelope open with no delicacy. He took out the card and just by the way it began he could feel like it wasn’t something he wanted to read. 

 

_James Tiberius Kirk,_

_Colonist Number 3345_

 

_This notice is brought to you by officers of the Tarsus IV colony regarding the latest development on the colony, and it’s health related issues. We won’t be needing the samples of blood or the physical tests given the fact that you have been chosen, due to intellectual and strategical proposes, as the person number 253 on the Eugenics list ordered to be made by Governor Kodos._

 

_Congratulations on your list number,_

_Sincerely, Anton Karidian._

 

His letter fell to the floor, and he looked at Spock with wide eyes. Spock was looking back at him with questioning eyes. He felt a bubble of happiness rising in his chest just by thinking that he wasn’t going to _die_ , immediately followed by disgust and absolute fear. 

He wasn’t going to die, but other people were going to die. He gulped back his urge to scream in frustration towards himself and took a deep breath, “Spock, What is your number?” 

Spock used his right hand to lift his sleeve and show Jim his pale skin which held it’s usual green tinge. But Jim couldn’t concentrate on his skin or green veins but in the number on his wrist. Four digits which caused Jim to feel bile rising from his stomach. 

_6275._

_Not even close to living._

If Spock hadn’t been there to catch him, Jim would have fallen to the floor and snapped his skull in two. He pressed his head on Spock’s shoulder and cried. Spock surely didn’t appreciate the emotional reaction from the human, but Jim cried like he had never cried, and whispered apologies into Spock’s shoulder. 

Jim felt a hand touch the back of his skull and gently pry him off the shoulder he was currently laying his head on. Spock looked at him with deep brown eyes that were looking at Jim as if he was a very complex problem. Something beyond Spock’s understanding. 

“What are you apologising for?” 

But Jim couldn’t speak. Couldn’t open his mouth, and even if he were able, he knew his voice would fail him. He looked down at the letter, and Spock bent down to pick it up and was about to fold it when Jim placed his hand on Spock’s arms and gestured at the letter. 

Spock seemed to understand and when he read the letter his face didn’t change. Didn’t even move an inch. And when he looked at Jim he didn’t seem Jealous, didn’t seem angry, didn’t even seem to feel anything at all. He just looked at him with understanding and nothing else. 

“It’s only logical.” 

That’s the last time he spoke to Spock for the next five days. 

He took a step back from him, glaring as if this was all his fault, then turned around and ran. He ran down the stairs of the hospital and into the open city. Some people tried to stop him when they saw he was crying, some other people only complained about him turning over their things, but he never stopped. He ran out of the outskirts of town, where all the houses were located in, and out of the corn fields that surrounded that. 

He kept running until he got to nowhere. 

There was nothing in the clearing that he was stopped in. And that was the reason why he stopped. When he said nothing, he really did mean nothing.Not even a single tree branch, animal or- well anything. Everything just seemed to be covered with a thick layer of an ash-like dust that Jim had seen before. And that’s when it hit him. Really hit him. 

He was going to live. He instead Spock, instead of Nyota, instead of Pavel and probably everyone in his small family. He instead of 3320 geniuses that were here because they deserved to be here, unlike him. Unlike the one very lucky boy who came into the planet because his step father begged the judge to have mercy on Jim. 

He looked around, trying to see if there was somewhere he could hide instead of standing in the middle of an open field when he noticed something horrifying. It was not only that part of the field which was covered in grey. It was the whole valley. 

Everything around him was grey, the sky, the ground, the previously green mountains. Everything he had once praised about Tarsus, was gone. Covered in grey and withered away to only a few dust particles and ruined dreams. He fell to his knees, and the dust lifted off the ground and swirled all around him, encasing him in a dark cloud of every single thing that had been burned down by the plague. It was like he hadn’t fully realised the whole severity of the situation until reality came and hit him square in the face. All of the had been killed by something so unstoppable and ridiculously dangerous that Jim couldn’t help but wonder if he would be consumed by it. 

For one scary second, he wasn’t against the idea. 

Then he realised that this was his reality now. He wanted to die, or at least not be in a spot he didn’t belong to, but he wanted to live. He wanted to show the world that nothing was going to stop him. Not even a swirling cloud of grey dust. Not even the impending doom brought to Tarsus. 

He would forever be caught in this limbo, in this internal struggle of belonging and feeling like he wasn’t good enough for life to have chosen him as number 253. Once again he felt like he would be okay if the cloud swallowed him, and swallowed with him the selfish desire to live without struggling. 

But no. The dust settled, the cloud vanished, and he was only left kneeling on the floor, covered in a thin lair of damning grey dust. 


	4. iv. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the terror of knowing  
> What this world is about  
> Watching some good friends  
> Screaming, "Let me out!"
> 
> -Queen, Under Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like this chapter as much as I liked the rest but it was kind of necessary. If you found it too bad please let me know so that I can rewrite it. If you don't like the angst please tell me so that I can make it better in the next chapters. Tell me what you want to see and tell me what you liked or disliked about this chapter. This will all be helpful beyond words and will help me make the story more enjoyable for you, my readers.

It was the middle of the afternoon in ghost-like desert highway; they stopped to have lunch. The desert seemed to go on for miles and miles without end and, to some degree, the endless nothing reminded Jim of Tarsus. The scorching heat of the sun, the odd feeling of knowing that there are no other living things in at least a fifty-mile radius and the uncertainty of not knowing what was going to happen next was driving Jim into a hypnotised like state. 

Jim wasn’t bothered by it. Not really. 

His mind was calm, and his clothes were being ruffled by the soft breeze now and then. The music coming from the car’s speakers was one of the hundreds of cassette mixtapes that Hikaru had somehow managed to get his hands on. The map that Hikaru was intently looking at and talking about distractedly, probably thinking that he was saying everything mentally instead of rambling nonsense, made little fluttering sounds every time that the breeze was hard enough to ruffle the paper. And finally, Jim’s sandwich tasted like glory; he enjoyed the taste of mustard mixed with lettuce and ham more than he would enjoy something like a hot dog or a pizza. 

That’s how they spent the next hours. Hikaru was talking about states and the wildlife in them and all of the abandoned roads that they could use and especially all of the towns that they would cross. Jim ate his sandwich, listened to Hikaru and tapped his fingers to the music which was playing softly from the car’s speakers. 

“Any chance we will find them?” Jim asked after he had to get down from the hood of the car and change the mixtape that had just finished playing. 

“Don’t really know, man,” Hikaru answered. “They might be at Topeka, that’s where our next race is, but I don’t think they would leave anyone at Topeka.” 

“Is it still that bad?” Jim asked as he got up on the hood of the car and regained his position. 

“Well, there is a reason why they host illegal car races. The police have no control over the city yet.” 

Topeka. Jim had heard various stories about that place over the years, all told by Caxr, his Andorian illegal guardian (Yes, that was a thing. Among criminals like Caxr anyway.) The city was famous for being built around an actual ghost town. The city had been prospering nicely until the Xindi attack on Earth, which didn’t strike the city itself, but was close enough to wipe out nearly three-quarters of the city in less than a day. Then, when the Romulan war happened, the Romulans decided that they should launch not only attack the federation’s planets but on its people. The Supervirus spread like wildfire across all cities, and Topeka wasn’t that big of a city anyway, so the government prioritised other cities over the Kansas Capital. When it was their time to receive medicine, there was no one to receive the medicine. 

The loss was great, yeah, but after a few years, people started to build a city around the former capital of Kansas. The only problem? It was not a beautiful city. Every single rogue, criminal and outcast went to live in the town of the dead. A city which now has been taken over various alien cultures claiming it to be a sacred place for the Renegades. Humans on the other side just used that as an excuse to escape when they were knee deep in trouble. They asked refuge in crazy alien ladies' houses and the town’s wild nightlife to keep doing their wildlife activities in a place where rules were made to be broken and where the authority was made of the people strong enough to beat the crap out of the last leader. 

“How long till we get to Topeka?” Jim asked after a second. 

“About two hours if we are fast enough.”

“What time do we have to be there for our race?” 

Hikaru looked at his watch, “Seven thirty, and it four in the afternoon.” 

Jim sighed and started picking up his things and so did Hikaru. They cleaned the hood of the car clean of everything they had been doing and hopped off. Jim opened the trunk of their car and stuffed all of the garbage inside, along with all of the other garbage. For one second Jim wondered what would happen if someone were to pop open the trunk trying to find drugs or some other kind of illegal shit, only to find a pile of half rotten sandwiches and a tremendous amount of garbage. 

He shook his head in amusement and closed the trunk again, He walked towards the passenger seat and opened the door into the car. Hikaru was waiting for him to get in, and as soon as he had his seatbelt on the engine roared to life under their feet. Their GPS was brought back to life, and from its small speaker a very annoying voice came out saying something about road safety and how they shouldn’t exceed the speed limit of ninety kilometres per hour. 

The car started off slow, and then the engine was working at full power. With any other person Jim would feel uncomfortable with going at 220 kilometres an hour, but he knew Hikaru, he knew his skills, and he would be the first person Jim thought about when it came to a great driver. “You know, when we hypothetically go the Starfleet Academy, you should totally become a pilot.” 

Hikaru laughed, “and what would you hypothetically be?” 

Jim thought about it for a second, or made the show of thinking about it anyway, “I don’t know, maybe space janitor?” 

“Space Jani—“ Hikaru could finish the sentence, he laughed, “is that like an actual profession?” 

“Don't know,” Jim answered simply, “if it’s not then I shouldn’t sign up to Starfleet.” 

“Maybe you could sign up to be, i don't know, a science officer?” 

“A science Officer?” Jim asked incredulously. 

“Forget I said that, I have something even better. You could be a captain.” 

A captain in Starfleet. He had daydreamed about being a captain in Starfleet for a long time now. He liked to picture it; Jim Kirk, Captain of the USS… something or other. Youngest Captain in Starfleet, or maybe the Captain with the most medals in history. He had a lot of life to live, and he wasn’t planning on spending it racing cars his whole life. He had things to do, places to be and people to find, but he guessed that while he had nothing to do racing cars with Hikaru would be nice. But still, “Captain. That sounds nice.” 

“Captain James T. Kirk.” 

“Now that sounds less cool and more serious than I have always imagined.” 

“Fine then, Captain HotRacer69.” 

Jim rolled his eyes, “You are a terrible friend, did you know that?” 

If Hikaru didn’t have to stay with his eyes on the road, Jim was sure he would have glared at him, “Im the best friend you have.” 

“You are the _only_ friend I have.” 

And those were their car rides. Long trips with a tremendous amount of banter and jokes that kept them from being silent and thinking about what they were doing. It was either that or serious late night conversations that left them both more tired than driving for nine hours straight. They couldn’t afford to have a conversation like that before a race as important as the one they were about to have. With a grand prize of eleven-thousand credits plus the bonus of whatever people bet on the race, Neither of them could feel like their soul was on another existential plane when eleven thousand credits were on the line. 

They were in Topeka an hour and fifteen minutes later. The city skyline was much more chilling than Jim had thought. The central building was cut cleanly in half in a diagonal line, the government building had a giant crater in the dome, and everywhere around the city, there were fires raging. They started to slow down once they got close to the city. Thousands of aliens and humans were camping on the side of the road, and some children and pets on the road was alarming. For a few seconds, Jim didn’t understand why everyone was camping outside the city until he saw the fence. 

It was a tall iron fence with people sticking from it. Actual people and alien carcases littering the fence like decorations of a chrisms three. All of them burned beyond any recognition like they had been shocked. They probably had been shocked, the fence probably had electricity, and enough electricity to burn someone’s skin off. They kept rolling through the highway and into the city limits where they got stopped by two Aaamazzarites on the entrance. Their gruesome yellow skin was covered in even uglier tattoos and hideous piercings which probably had infections of some kind, or were just hideous looking because of the alien’s anatomy. 

“Are you lost?” the largest, ugliest, one asked Hikaru. 

“No Sir,” Jim answered with ease, “We are here for the race.” 

“This isn’t the place for the rich brats, Barbie.” 

Jim snarled, “First of all, I’m not a Barbie. Second, you need to let us pass or Caxr will be mad.” 

The alien stood up straighter, “I didn’t think Caxr’s golden boys would look like Porcelain dolls.” 

“Look man, just let us pass okay? You really don’t want to have trouble when they realise that their proteges’ were held back by a Aaamazzarite guard with anger issues.” 

The Aaamazzarite growled and turned around, he screamed something in his language and then turned back towards Jim and Hikaru. “I hope you loose your race, Barbie.” 

Jim smiled bitterly, “It was nice meeting you too.” 

A door started to open and it was like a crowd of people surged from behind them, trying to get through. The guards started to scream and shoot up into the air trying to control the masses while they kept moving forward. They passed safely through and Jim could hear the screams of people as they begged the guards to let them pass. A woman screamed about how her son was dying because of a gunshot, some guy cried about how they were freezing cold and some four or five people screamed about _starving_. That however wasn’t the worse part. 

A few seconds later there was a gun shot that seemed particularly loud, and then the sound of lightning. Except it wasn’t lightning was Jim heard, he knew exactly what had happened. He turned to look back while ordering Hikaru to go faster, and on the side of the fence was another body. This time it was smaller, and surrounded by ten or twelve people who were absolutely speechless. Then as they were getting farther away from all this mess Jim saw someone running towards the kid. She didn’t look old, but at the same time it was hard to tell from a distance. What Jim could not see but hear is the sadness she held in her voice as Jim heard the most heartbreaking scream he had ever heard, on planet earth obviously. 

“Are eleven thousand credits really worth it?” Jim asked as he stopped looking at the chaos behind them. 

“Eleven thousand could get us through _months_ without getting into another race. We could even afford a better car.” 

Jim rolled his eyes, “We are not really getting another car and you know it.” 

“Yeah,” Hikaru said, “but we can finally actually dedicate our times to searching and not to worry about money.” 

Jim grimaced, “Onto the race then.” 

 

Topeka was as beautiful as they say it is. Meaning it’s not nice at all. The houses were all destructed and then reconstructed out of cheap materials and covered with horrible graffiti. The buildings were full of people hanging out of the windows as a punishment, and the streets full of aliens of all kind smoking and drinking, even having sex in the middle of the street. The humans all had armbands which supposedly indicated their rank, and the aliens treat them depending on their colour. 

The streets are full of glass bottles and even some strange animals, probably alien pets or aliens themselves, sleeping in them, driving through the streets must have been hell for Hikaru, but in half an hour they were in front of the strip club of town.

It was a very big and mostly untouched building with a big neon sign on the top with a single world: Caxr’s. Hikaru parked the car in front and stopped the engine, then took out his cellphone and called Caxr. The phone ringed for a few seconds then Caxr answered and Hikaru put him on speaker. 

“We are here.” 

There was a short silence in which Jim could hear a very humanl-ike moan, “I thought you would never get here, Sulu.” 

His voice was deep and had some sort of an accent. It was Andorian mixed with British accent, probably where he learned Standard, and it was probably deeper than it naturally was given what he was doing while waiting for them to arrive. “Quite a show you have outside of the city, Caxr.” 

He chuckled, “Hope you didn’t mind it, Jimmy.” 

Hikaru answered, “We are just here for the race, Caxr. We need some place to stay until the race starts and somewhere we can fix the car up.” 

There was a long silence in which it could be heard how Caxr talked to someone about coming back to have some fun after showing them around. Then man who was with him answered back a simple, ‘Okay babe’ and Jim felt sick. How could someone think about calling Caxr ‘babe’? There was a ruffling of the sheets and them Caxr finally said something on the line, “Give me five minutes.” 

One of Caxr’s good things was that he was never actually late, so five minutes after Caxr hung up, he was right there with them. He was dressed in a red shirt, a brown leather jacket and jeans. A cool look if Caxr wasn’t so ugly and menacing. His antlers had been cut off in a space fight with starfleet, so now the two studs twitched and moved every few seconds. His face was almost to deformed to be called a face, and his blue skin had various parts in which it turned purple because of the numerous scars and burns. He had broad shoulders and was taller than Jim, who was quite tall, mind you, and had a bionic leg. Probably also from his many encounters with Starfleet. Yeah, not someone you would call 'babe'. 

Not that Jim minded Biotic things, Caxr wasn’t the only person who had a bionic something after all, but Caxr’s leg cracked, whirred and squeaked every time he moved. It was quite annoying actually. He didn’t share anything in common with Jim, not even in personality or thought, well everything except for maybe their eyes. Dark blue eyes which seemed to pierce through your soul. 

They locked eyes for a few seconds and then Caxr nodded. Jim smiled back and got out of his side of the car, “Hey man.” 

“Jim, My boy, How have you been?” 

In a few seconds he realised what was actually happening, He was seeing Caxr again. Actually seeing him in flesh and bone and not through some screen or hologram.“I’m good, better than ever.”

Caxr’s smile was deformed. It wasn’t a half moon like everybody’s smile was, it was actually sort of like a very long squiggly line, but Jim knew what it meant. He was pulled into a hug by the Andorian and Jim leaned into it. He smelled like his ship had smelled seven years before, like cigarets and stale sex covered in some very expensive perfume and Jim couldn’t stop think about how he was saving their asses again. Jim was sure the shirt he was wearing was also something from seven year before. 

It was a silent hug, because that’s what his and Caxr’s relationship was. Quiet nights playing cards on the deck of the BlackBird, long hours of them working together through a video call of some kind only breaking the silence to ask about so random problem or something. Jim was very into that kind of relationship. The one in which you don’t really need to talk, just be there for each other. 

The hug was over in a few seconds. Caxr passed on to gush about Hikaru and how much his small pilot had grown. Which left Jim smiling for a few seconds. Then he took a step back and seized them up both with pride, “I have the best hotel reserved for you two trouble makers. Perfect for staying until tomorrow’s race.” 

Hikaru frowned, “I thought the race was today at seven.” 

Caxr smiled again, “Oh well I knew that you weren’t actually going to stick around with your old man after the race, so I took the liberty of lying a bit in order to get to see two of my boys.”

“Caxr-“ 

Jim was interrupted, “It gets lonely here in this city of hell. I wanted to see you for once.” 

And that’s how Jim ended up thinking in the car ride to the hotel. He ended up thinking about everything that had happened to Caxr, everything that had lead to the andorian calling them ‘his boys’. Everything that had to happen in order for Jim to like this Andorian criminal and his odds and ends. 

 

The car suddenly turned from being an old Mustang to being a illegal Andorian ship in the midst of an attack from Starfleet. As much as he didn’t want the memory to arise he couldn’t stop it, and as he looked at his hands he realised he was not twenty-two. He was fourteen, with skinny hands and a very sharp eyesight which he was still trying to get used too. 

He turned around in a moment of panic and look at Caxr, “They are not backing off.” 

“Shields at 37% and lowering.” He heard Spock say somewhere behind him. 

“And they are not answering any of my calls,” Nyota worried. “There is no way to tell them that there are kids aboard this vessel.” 

There was a loud explosion and for a second everything was absolutely quiet. Then Caxr spoke. “To the escape pods, set your course to any planet nearby.” 

“Vulcan is approximately 1057 kilometres away from here,” He heard Spock say, “and it also happens to be in the opposite direction of the armada. We could make a safe landing and trip to my Planet.” 

Caxr nodded, “Jim, take them to the escape pod, the biggest one. You can all fit in there safely, I will protect you from the attacks.” 

There was a long silence from everyone, and then Bones finally spoke up, “You can’t stay behind, Caxr. They will kill you or worse, take you prisoner.” 

“I promised you all I would take care of you. This is me taking care of you. Now go! Go or I will make you leave!”

 

There was a violent movement in the car and Jim was snapped back into reality. In that moment both Hikaru and Caxr started to laugh and Jim frowned. Did he have to laugh? Had they said something funny? Or were they laughing at Jim? He looked at them and tried to figure it out, the Hikaru turned towards him. “You woke up. Sorry if we were to loud.” 

“I was asleep?” 

Hikaru snorted and pulled the brake handle. Jim looked around and realised he was in a parking lot instead of on the streets of Topeka. Yeah, definitely very asleep. He stretched and took his seatbelt off, then opened the door into the parking lot. He turned around to look at Caxr when he noticed all of the fancy cars parked around them, “Didn’t know there was a nice part of town.” 

“There is always a nice part of town, kid.” He grumbled while hitting his metal leg, probably trying to get it to work again, “Welcome to the Crown Plaza Hotel.” 

Hikaru made a face, “Vintage.” 

“You bet it is.” 

They climbed up some stairs into the hotel lobby and found themselves in a nicer hotel than he and Hikaru had ever been able to afford. There were people dressed in all kind of fancy clothes. From elegant Earthen clothes to weirdly large and extravagant dresses which had metal structures and weird designs hanging over them. In that moment Jim felt underdressed. Everyone looked so… fancy, and he was wearing yesterday clothes and probably smelled like dirty laundry. Caxr seemed to notice them fidgeting with their clothes, “Oh don’t worry, there is a tailor waiting for you in your room.” 

“That’s why you told us not to bring our bags with us.” It wasn't a question. 

Caxr smiled, “Racing is the biggest attraction in this city, we cant have our best competitors dressed like a pair of hipsters in the middle of San Francisco. You have to be classy here if you want sponsors.” 

Caxr kept walking towards the reception desk and they both stayed behind, admiring the people walking in the lobby like it was some kind of interstellar fashion show, “This definitely sounds like the beginning of a twenty first century dystopian novel.” 

Hikaru laughed and nodded, “Yes it does.”

Caxr beckoned them over after a few minutes and handed them a key card with the number 2100 written on the envelope, “You’ll have to share a room, but i take it you are not bothered by that.” 

“Of course not,” Hikaru answered, “We always share a room.” 

Caxr nodded, And gave the Orion lady a tip of weird looking bills that Jim was sure only worked inside of the Topeka. She smiled back and Caxr finally gave them his full attention and started walking to the elevators, they followed, “The tailor will take your measures and will give you the suit by nine tonight. You have to be down here for the Opening ceremony by ten and you will leave by five in the morning by latest. If you stay even one minute after five they will tag you as irresponsible and you will loose sponsors. Charm whoever you can, at whatever cost; use tragic backstories, purposes in life, maybe even get laid, anything you need in order for them to fall in love with you and sponsor you. That way you will leave here with a lot of money, regardless of whether you lose the race or win it.” He stopped in front of the elevators and turned towards them, “I know you haven’t seen me in a while, and that the last time I saw you I nearly sentenced you all to death, but you have to trust me. I didn’t want you failing back then and I don’t want you failing now.” 

He Pressed the button and the elevator started to descend from the 16th floor. “And don’t forget, don’t check _any_ kind of social media inside Topeka. The Federation is watching and will attack us if you even try to do it.” 

“Yes sir,” They both answered at the same time. Caxr smiled. 

“Call me tomorrow when you wake up I’ll come and get you so we can get breakfast together. That’s an order.” Jim laughed and Hikaru just nodded. Caxr put his hands on their shoulders and sighted, “I’ve missed you both.” 

They didn’t have a chance to reply because in that moment the elevator opened up and he walked away from them without another word. Jim looked at Hikaru and they both entered the elevator. Hikaru passed his card through the reader and pressed the 21st floor, which also happened to be the last floor on the elevator console. The elevator had a glass panel in the back, so Jim turned around as soon as it started moving upward, the view was amazing and terrifying at the same time. 

Topeka looked like any other city, in fact, it reminded Jim of that time when they had stayed in San Fransisco. With tall buildings and a beautiful skyline in the darkness of the night. He was almost sure that the city was beautiful until he saw the raging fires and the fence, and was reminded of what had happened today. The Elevator stopped and the doors opened and he heard a small gasp coming from Hikaru, “Jim, you have to see this.” 

He whirled around and he couldn’t contain the smile that spread of his face. This definitely was the best hotel ever. He had seen some fancy shit in his life but he had definitely never seen something like this. There was a staircase, a mini bar, a balcony with something like a pool, Window panels as tall as the entire two story room. To much to take in really, to much for Jim to look at and actually concentrate in. He only knew it was probably the fanciest thing Jim had ever touched. Some fancy ass hotel room in the middle of a dying city. 

You'd think that he would feel guilty in some way. That they would both think about how there were people outside which were in the same position that they had both been a mere seven years before. But not really. He only felt high from looking around the room with held literally everything he had ever dreamed of in a house. They went around the house gushing about how impressive it was. They dared each other on a swimming contest after they finished looking around the house. They found a red piano and talked about how they could play better than the other, or maybe just play some very challenging duet together. 

They chose their bed room, decided who would cook only to find that they had _chefs_ included with the hotel room, and then ended up laughing their asses off about something or other in the enormous sofa on the middle of the room. And not once did they feel guilty. Not once did they think about how much suffering the people outside of this little bubble were suffering. It was only after the tailor interrupted their little party and Jim had to be quiet while the tailor took measurements and talked about how their tuxedos would work that Jim started to analyse the situation. 

And even then, he didn’t feel guilty. Not really. And not because he was an asshole, but because for the first time in his life he wanted to have something nice for himself. He wanted to be able to eat without wanting to go to the nearest bathroom and stick his finger up his throat. He wanted to have a nice hotel room without having to convince himself that he deserved not living on the street. He wanted to have an expensive suit without feeling like he was wearing something made out of needles. 

The room was quiet after the tailor left and Jim was left tracing the tattoo on his fore arm over and over. The 7253 bound to his skin with jet black ink. A death sentence which had caused much more problems than Jim wanted it to cause and as soon as he stared at Hikaru he saw him doing the same to his number. Jim knew it by memory now, after all he had exchanged the number with Hikaru in a moment of hasty panic and hunger. 253. 

His mouth started tasting like bread again. Like stale and dust-tasting bread and he was sure that his hair was now full of sand and his nails were long and broken. He shocked his head and it was gone. Everything. 

 

“That was one hell of a mood swing,” Jim commented. 

“Mmhm.” Hikaru scratched the back of his neck and shifted beside him. “Why is it that everything we like has to be ruined by our pasts?” 

“Our past was pretty shit.”   
“Yes,” Hikaru agreed, “But that doesn’t mean that I have to suffer through feeling like I don’t deserve to breathe.”

Jim looked at Hikaru to find that he was looking back at him, “Are you angry about something?” 

“Yes,” Hikaru deadpanned, “I’m angry at myself for thinking I’m not worth it, and for knowing that it’s something I can change, but being unable to do so. That’s what I’m angry about.” There was a tense silence in which Jim didn’t know how to feel. He wanted this conversation to stop. He wanted to be able to take away Hikaru’s worries and just make him feel normal. He wondered for one second if Spock, the stoic, logical, unemotional, Vulcan was feeling the same way as they were feeling. Yes, Jim wasn’t about to deny it. He could relate to every single word Hikaru had just said. 

“Aren’t you angry too?” 

And that’s when he realised that Hikaru had started to cry. And he instantly knew it was not because he was sad about some bullshit thing he had just remembered. He was aware that Hikaru wasn’t crying about having starved, killed, robbed and lied. Hell, he was sure he wasn’t even sad about being raped. He was just sad about not being able to move on from it. Jim scooted over and grabbed Hikaru’s head and place it on his shoulder. He let a broken man cry as he was taken into the moment his life changed forever. 

 

Kodos looked weird in this setting. In this very lavish room in which they were in. And so did his dead-like friends. He could feel Nyota’s forehead pressed against his clavicle which was mainly bone and skin by then. Jim growled, almost animal like and Kodos laughed. 

“You know Jimmy, I have tried to break you like I did to your friends for days now and every time I fell like I’m getting close to doing so I hear you laugh or tell stories to your hollowed eyed friends. Why don’t you tell me what your trick is so I can get over with this quickly.” 

Jim spat only to see the small droplet fall uselessly beside Kodos’ boot, “My trick is to remember you are still alive.” 

Kodos took one step closer to them, one step closer to his kids and Jim wanted to scream for him to get out. But what good would that do? That would only waste what little energy he had left, so he just pulled Nyota closer and glare intently at Kodos. “You are a murderer, you know that? You might be the most evil person to ever live.” 

Kodos crouched, “I’m sure that there are much worse than me.” 

“There is nothing worse than you.” Jim stated, “Once Starfleet gets here-“

“Once starfleet gets here I will be called a hero because of saving four-thousand people.” 

Jim looked down. Kodos was right. When starfleet got to Tarsus IV they wouldn’t see the unfortunate people because they would all be dead. They would see the four-thousand people that were kept alive and would give Kodos a medal. 

“I will not break, Kodos. That is a promise.” Kodos scooted over a bit more and Jim hissed, “get away from my kids.” 

And that is when Kodos realised, its not that Jim had not broken. On the contrary, every day he was taken into that confession room and everyday he broke. But every day he heard his friends scream and realised they were alive. Every night he would be thrown back into the only cell, probably to lower their self esteem by seeing each other broken to pieces, and manage to see his friends alive and holding up. He managed to tell them a story or make them smile or even just cuddle with them in the dark in order to gain some warmth. It’s not that Jim didn’t break, its that he always had something to restore him, even if it was only for a few hours at a time. He always had something to go back to and love. 

Kodos grabbed him by the neck and made him stand up right. Nyota fell to the floor and instantly woke up, “Jim?” 

He struggled a bit more but he knew that he was nothing compared to Kodos. He was just a starving child. There was nothing he could do to fight him. 

Jim struggled a bit more and that is when he realised that everyone had started to wake up. They had a chance of making damage if everyone was awake. Especially those with superhuman strength like Spock. 

But no, it was to much to hope for. Guards came rushing into the room with guns loaded and Kodos dragged Jim back. His world was starting to turn black when Kodos put him of his feat and made his turn around to look at his friends. Jim’s world had been so blurry that he hadn’t heard the gunshots until it was to late, all but one of them were laying on the floor unmoving. Pavel was crying and so was Jim. Just that Jim wasn’t sobbing hysterically like poor little Pavel who was sitting among the bodies of his friends. One last gun shot rung out and Jim’s legs gave in. 

There was a moment of absolute silence and then Kodos whispered something that made Jim’s blood turn to ice, “Don’t worry, they are not dead. I just wanted to image to be the last one you ever see.”

Then his weak body gave out and he passed out cold in Kodos’ arms. 


End file.
